I'm Blogging Here! I'm Blogging Here!

Now that I have been blogging for a while, my readership has expanded into the millions.

Unfortunately, these days I find myself accosted on the street often by my legion of fans who bombard me with questions like: Why are you so obsessed with zombies? Did you get the doll I sent you that was made of human hair and crafted lovingly in your likeness? And, last but not least: What exactly is the purpose of your blog?

All are good questions, to be sure.

I will ignore them like I usually do... except for the last one. What is the purpose of this blog? Well, that should be obvious. There is none. It's utterly pointless.

When you break it all down, I have an exceptionally boring life that really isn’t worth reading about. That doesn't stop me from blogging, however. After all, millions of other brain-damaged bloggers have already littered the Super Information Highway with deep declarations such as “The new Kevin Smith film sucks ass!” or poignant questions like “Is it coincidence that the alphabet is arranged in alphabetical order?”

I may never achieve such grandiose verbosity, but I promise to help cure your insomnia with my inane and trivial ramblings.

Speaking of trivia (wow, what a forced segue!) the above picture is from the cinematic classic Midnight Cowboy, the first (and only) X-rated movie to ever win the Best Picture Oscar from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Apparently, they never saw Big Trouble in Little Vagina or Edward Penishands, two vastly overlooked classics of cinema.

Later on, Midnight Cowboy was downgraded to “R” status, but the filmmakers were allowed to keep the golden trophy anyway. That’s just wrong on all levels.

Anyway, I included the above picture because of Ratso’s (played by Dustin Hoffman) popular quote: “I’m walking here! I’m walking here!”

I know. I know. Do you see what I did with the juxtaposition of words there in my blogline (is that a word?)? Now, you are saying: “Ha, ha, you are only too clever for words!”

Truly I am, but that is beside the point.

A little time has passed a bit since I added that picture and it has occurred to me that: 1) I didn’t really like the movie that much (I watched it hoping it would be a night western); 2) having that picture at the top of my blog inadvertently gives the whole page a glaringly gay tone, not that there is anything wrong with that; 3) the term “my blog” sounds terribly wrong; 4) Dustin Hoffman must be about as tall as a Smurf; and 5) Jon Voight apparently frequented a haberdashery that lacked mirrors sometime back in the late 1960s. Looking at him in that outfit makes it almost impossible to imagine that he’d be fathering über-sexpot Lara Croft in only a handful of years.

It’s a pretty incredible world when you think about it.

Hmmm. Now I am wondering if straight people use words like “haberdashery?"

Oh, and for the record, Smurfs are approximately three apples tall, whatever the Hell that means. Also, they live in mushrooms and boast a 99% male population. Between the cowboy gigolo picture, Smurf reference and the whole “haberdashery” faux pas (and, now, subsequently, the usage of faux pas), I’m seriously questioning my own sexual identity.




Kiss-My-Ass Smurf says: "See ya!"