Reader Mail #2

It seems that my recent posting of reader mail (imaginatively titled Reader Mail #1) attracted (ironically enough) even more reader mail. Yet again, it seems that my vast and infinite readership has nothing but kind words for me and I have to say, I am simply gushing from all of the kudos.


Dear Supreme Idiot,

I recently read your so-called blog entitled “Reader Mail #1” and felt compelled to say that you are an obnoxious, offensive knuckle-dragger with an IQ less than most roadkill. I would insult you more, but you obviously suffer from copious amounts of brain damage and my words would inevitably be lost on your inert intellect.

BTFW, I have started an online petition to eradicate your blog permanently from cyber space. In the meantime, why don’t you go play in traffic, you impotent mound of bird botulism.

Clearly, you (or one of your many, many personalities) made the entire letter up and the fact that you chose a picture of Pee Wee Herman as your representation of Satan is unimaginative, cruel and immensely immature.

Anybody with half a brain (which excludes you and everyone you know, undoubtedly), knows that Satan really looks like this (see attached picture below).


Sincerely,

Axel Rose (not the singer, but the market analyst)

Reader Mail #1

It has been a hectic week for me as my Passing Thoughts blog is becoming quite the time-consumer. True, writing the actual blogs does not take much time as I put no effort into them whatsoever and they are designed to be wordy, interminably slow and hackneyed.

At any rate, there's an old analogy I am quite fond of that goes like this: An infinite number of monkeys typing on an infinite number of typewriters for an infinite amount of time will eventually produce all the works of Shakespeare.

Unfortunately, my budget is considerably threadbare. I can only hire one monkey and, quite frankly, he's missing a few fingers and most of his brain so you are getting only about .002% Shakespeare. That's the best I can do. Frankly, you are quite lucky NOT TO BE reading something along the lines of "8rzejguk9i" right now.

Still, it seems that the writings on this blog have somehow generated millions and millions of comments from readers. So, instead of coming up with something new or original to write about, I'm giving the monkey the day off and will simply post some reader feedback. I am truly amazed at how positive it has been.


Dear Hopeless Heathen,

I recently read your blog about cursing (titled: WTF?!? The Speculated History of Cussing) and I must say I was shocked, mortified and spiritually disemboweled by your blatant acts of heinous sin. (I mean, really, blaming Adam for the advent of profanity!) Do you even possess a soul, you vacuous kibble-eating monstrosity of DNA.

On behalf of those who are going to Heaven, I’d just like to say that I hope you enjoy your reserved box seats in Hell, you brainless heap of regurgitated spam jelly.

Sincerely (Hoping You Rot In the Flames of Eternal Damnation),

I. M. Adeup

P.S. You truly are a testament to the dire need of birth control.

P.S.S. I took the liberty of attaching a picture of Satan himself (below) so you can begin having nightmares of him long before you are forced to be his bitch-maiden throughout Eternity.