Top Tweets of the Week

Some of the funniest Tweets from this past week from Twitter.com:

aedison
I'm new to babysitting, so I'll assume that Amazon knows best when it says kids who like 101 Dalmatians will also enjoy Dog Day Afternoon.

BrianLynch
They're doing a KING KONG prequel? If it's not called PRINCE KONG everyone is wasting their time.

jeremypiven
We don't change we just become more like ourselves...

As usual, there were some amusing trending threads including one called Imperial Edicts that could be implemented in order to make the Evil Empire of Star Wars even more, well, evil:



joelthegreat
All soda machines serve warm cans of Diet caffeine free coke, not matter what you pick.

eddiesaunier
Double coupon Mondays in the Death Star gift shop are suspended indefinitely

rsethery
clone jar jar binks

darthvader
Open more Starbucks

StrivinToThrive
raise the cost of postage... again. pure evil.

HughWoolard
Starting now, ALL movies will be directed by Michael Bay.


Another trend listed Fake Song Parody Titles that were rejected by Weird Al Yankovic.



mshowalter
"Your Body Is A Wonderbread"

nitrogrizz
Fat-Bottomed Squirrels - Queen

ccondry
"Smells Like Tom Skerritt"

c_cappelletti
"Knockin' On Kevin's Door"

Montepenny
“The Pigeon is Gonna Get You" and "Meth (I Hear You Calling)"

themikewhite
You Can Call Me ALF

alyankovic
Depeche Mode - "My Own Personal Cheese Whiz"


One of the raunchier trends included Failed Children's Book Titles that had too much of an adult slant to them:


bortrock
The Lion, The Witch and the Whore's Robe

BrianLynch
ONE FISH, TWO FISH, RED FISH, TERRORIST

States
HORTON HEARS HIS PARENTS HAVING SEX.

MsDelaney
Puff The Magic Bong

noyokono
Bi-Curious George

theseantcollins
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Kidney Stone

Montepenny
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Bra Emporium

muskrat_john
Where the Girls Gone Wild Things Are

Dweeze
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Overly Affectionate Spinster

Wormito
Charlotte's Web of Lies

More Top Tweets of the Week...

Some of the funniest Tweets from this past week from Twitter.com:

aedison
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. And every time you have sex, this one angel gets his binoculars.

Remiel
If I had a nickel for every time the inflation rate increased, I'd probably have mixed feelings.

AlexDezen
(Lead Singer of The Damnwells)
Cops can't pull you over if they are in front of you. Not unless they're Timecop

There were two amusing threads. One paired actors from different movies and combined them into one movie title:

#fakecostars

ThatArmenianGuy
Samuel L. Jackson and Samuel L. Jackson in Black Snakes Moan on a Plane

HandOfAnubis
Paul Newman and John Candy Long Hot Summer Rental

maxwellh
Hilary Swank and Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys Don't Cry

Montepenny
Julia Roberts, Gene Wilder, Patrick Swayze, George Romero and Nicole Kiman in Pretty Woman in Red Dawn of the Dead Calm

darinking
Steven Seagal & Gregory Peck in Hard to Kill a Mockingbird

gmwait
Charlton Heston and Kathy Bates in Soylent Green Tomatoes

leelubarsky
Daniel Day-Lewis and Kevin Bacon star in this tale of inspiration . . . and dancing - My Left Footloose


Another thread revealed some of the world's lesser-know conspiracy theories.

#conspiracies

CllrTim
The moon landing happened, but the launch was an elaborate hoax done with fireworks.

Scriblit
The Internet is actually run by a tiny psychic Leprechaun living in your Hard Drive.

djhanks
The red shift occurs not because the universe is expanding, but because it is embarrassed

JasperThorn
When you are drunk you let in little Alien people into your head; the 'hangover' is them moving in and putting up shelves

Widgett
The code found within the Bible is identical to that found within The Complete Works of Richard Scarry

The Week's Top Tweets

It's time to retweet some of the funniest Tweets from this past week from Twitter.com.

One of the most popular Twitter Trends was Chuck Norris and his INFINITE AWESOMENESS.

Lanceguitarist
The quickest way to a mans heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Julian218
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

kaptainmyke
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

popculturepost
Chuck Norris doesn't die, he multiplies.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.


OhliviaEs
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

MissSquire
Chuck norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

marpop
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

KaiserGuira
how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it


There were a few Tweets not related to Chuck Norris, as well:

badbanana
Bruno made $30.4 million this weekend. It's the biggest opening for a gay mockumentary since Top Gun.

The secret to drinking on the job is to not care about the consequences.

aedison
I glad I don't have haemophilia, because that would make me so depressed I'd want to cut myself.

iTwiddle
Seriously, who decided that 'white' was a good colour for underwear??

I'm against picketing. Now how do I show it?!

Some of the Week's Top Tweets...

It is the weekend. I am tired and overworked and not feeling one iota of creativity today. So, instead of coming up with something new, I shall rehash some funny Tweets from the last week that showed up on Twitter.com.

For the uninitiated, Twitter.com is simply a way for people to shout their random thoughts to the masses. Some are mind-numbingly dull ("I rearranged my sock drawer!") while others are from celebrities, and thus, inherently interesting. Also, for the record, a lot of the celebrity Twitters are unconfirmed so there is no way to know if the person posting is the actual celebrity or just some sad, lonely person impersonating one:


NathanFillion (actor)
I did a Bungie Podcast. Listening to it now. I sound pretty good looking.

RobertKirkman (comic book writer)
Having Indian food for lunch today... And Thai food for dinner. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, I didn't make it.

THE_REAL_SHAQ (NBA player)
whys it called nickname whos nick? shud be shaqname

aedison
I know that you need to support the baby's head or else it'll flop back. But I also know that I really want some Pez.

Occasionally, Twitter also had trending topics, such as this one where people chimed in with their humorous thoughts on First Draft Movie lines (#1stdraftmovielines) where some of cinema's most famous quotes needed to be tweaked a bit from their initial rough draft. Can you guess which movies? The answers will be at the bottom.

1) hatethedrake
Everybody puts Baby in a corner! And that's unfortunate.

2) AcidicPlague
There is no fork.

3) _victor_
If you build it, you'll need a permit first.

4) wilw (actor Will Wheaton)
The rug didn't do that much for the room, to be honest with you.

5) Montepenny
Would you say I have a superabundance of piñatas?

6) seangunn
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.

*******************


The answers:

1) Dirty Dancing
2) The Matrix
3) Field of Dreams
4) The Big Lebowski
5) The Three Amigos
6) The Princess Bride

Best Tweets of the Day -- July 7, 2009

It was an interesting day in Twitterville as tons of Twitters tweeted to and fro, many (oh, about 4 billion) chimed in with their thoughts on the Michael Jackson tribute at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

Here are some of the more memorable Tweets of the Day for July 7, 2009:

SisterHazelBand
Watching MJ's Funeral... His daughter just spoke about how much she loved her Dad and what a wonderful father he was to them.. VERY HEAVY!

sportsguy33 (a.k.a. Bill Simmons, the sportswriter)
Really sad ending. Glad I watched that ceremony and it's worth watching if you missed it. He certainly was one of a kind.

badbanana
Michael’s casket is being carried off stage by the Muppets while the Globetrotters sing “Gone Too Soon”. Beautiful.

Kevin Smith did not discuss the Michael Jackson tribute, but he did manage to make his tweets sounds unflinchingly filthy.

ThatKevinSmith
Filthy oral! Got a back molar pulled. Old filling allows crud beneath, tooth decay ensues. Lady Dentist gassing me and doing the yank-yank.

And last but not least, two of my favorites:

aedison
I'm so good at pretending. Like when I pretended I was diabetic. And then pretended the insulin was heroin. And then pretended to pass out.

Jeremy Piven

Drinking coffee before doing yoga is like trying to head butt the wind, I made a bad decision...